Ageism Concept

"I think that ageism is cultural illness; it's not a personal illness." - Frances McDormand

***Wheww!***

It’s been a WHILE since the last time I wrote a thoughtful blog post! From dealing with school, working/internships, making time for my self care, etc. IT’S A LOT!! However, I am glad to mention that graduation is right around the corner for me in May! Finally!! I’ll be a Master Social Worker graduate of Howard University! Knowing that all these blood, sweat, tears, … A LOT OF MONEY will be worth it in the end, is truly rewarding!

This semester, I am completing my new internship at a local middle school as a school therapist, with the female students who are having chronic behavioral problems. The role that I’m in now is definitely a step in the right direction for me! My end goal is to become a school social worker, preferably working with at risk teenagers. I always had an interest working with adolescents, especially since my bachelor’s degree is in child & adolescent studies. This is right up my alley! Most of the time when I find myself telling people that I have an interest to work in the middle and high schools, they may think I lost my mind wanting to work with teens from a mental health perspective. But you see, I believe that’s where the problem starts…..

When I was a teenager in middle and high school, I definitely had my own challenges that I was faced with as it relates to puberty, peer pressure, indulging in relationships/dating, building friendships, preparing for college, etc. There was even a point in my life when I was about 15 or 16 years old when I was depressed! Even though, I thought I had a good support network from the outside looking in, I still felt alone and lost. So, in a lot of ways, I can understand the teens that I work with, especially the teenagers of this generation with the rise in daily social media influences! I personally believe that teens are misunderstood by society and just want that one person who can understand all that they are going through, especially as it relates to their mental health! A lot of people may confuse school counselors/guidance counselors with being able to help students on a social, emotional, and mental spectrum. However, that’s not the care. The school counselor primary role is to help the students academically. The school social workers are particularly finding ways to improve the students social, emotional, and mental functioning. I’m glad that nowadays within today’s society mental health is being taken seriously.

Just to look at it from a psychological perspective, there was once a developmental psychologist named Erik Erikson who created eight life stages that each person will experience throughout their life. From the ages of 12-19 which is during the adolescence phase, an individual will be faced with the 5th life stage called “identity vs. role confusion”. Throughout the duration of this life stage, Erikson believed that teens are at a turning point in their lives since they’re at constant war with themselves trying to figure out “who am I?” It’s that deep!

Lately I been noticing how some of these adults who are parents, teachers, supervisors, etc. treat some of the children when the adults who are supposed to be the “leaders/role models” are in the process of inappropriately disciplining the child wonder why the youth doesn’t have any respect for the adults! Therefore, I’ve come to the conclusion that the adult society has absolutely no respect for the youth, due to the “power dynamic structure” that society has made us believe in since we were children. The whole concept of “respect your elders” is definitely taken out of context by some of these controlling adults who see children as peasants!

It amazes me while I’m walking through the hallways at the middle school. Since I have a petite stature of 5’0 ft - 100-115 lbs., most of the teachers think that I am a student myself. Even though the students at the middle school are mostly wearing their school uniform and I am dressed in professional work attire, I’m still mistaken for a student. But, as soon as I tell the teachers and other staff members that I am not a student, I’m a school based therapist… the respect factor instantly shifts! Once I made it known that I am an EDUCATED ADULT just like them, they end up having respect for me. But even if I was a student at the school, are u going to disrespect me by yelling in my face and demanding that I get to class or I’ll face disciplinary consequences like I’m beneath you, just because I am a child?! What if I have an excusable reason to be walking through the hallways?! That still doesn’t give you the right to yell and scream in my face!

I was having a conversation with a 12 year old student about why she doesn’t like her particular elective class that she is currently enroll in. The student stated that, “That’s not the elective course I chose to take!” Then I asked her if the students are given an opportunity to choose which elective class they wanted to take (example of elective classes can range from chorus, band, dance, drama, tech, etc.) the student stated to me that the students are not given the option to choose the classes they wanted to take, then BOOM! It all made perfect sense! I had an internal conversation with myself within that very moment as to why aren’t the students given the opportunity to at least choose which elective classes they want to take that are an interest to them? I feel like it’s because the adults do not see the students as “independent” enough to choose which elective classes they want to take since they’re “CHILDREN”. And not to mention why the school officials end up complaining when most of the students are not academically performing well in their elective courses.

<You know what I call this? AGEISM!>

Most of you reading this blog post are probably young adults, but let’s go back into time when you were a preteenager or a straight up teenager in high school. You remember those times when you had teachers or other school officials yell at you and talked over you like your thoughts, feelings or opinions didn’t matter? Did your parents ever make you feel like you were beneath them or told u anything to the effect of, “you’re too young to know about love” or “you’re too young to have a reputation” or “you have to respect your elders no matter what!” Or “you’re just a child, you don’t know nothing!” Sounds familiar? Yeah… those are the symptoms of AGEISM! Ageism is defined as, [prejudice or discrimination on the grounds of a person's age.] Just because you’re a minor or young doesn’t mean that adults or your elders have the right to disrespect you just because they’re seen as more “knowledgeable” or the “expert”. I was always taught to TREAT PEOPLE EXACTLY THE WAY THEY TREAT YOU! Now, don’t get me wrong I definitely believe that children should have respect for adults BUT the respect factor should be mutual! If you’re an adult & you’re consistently yelling and being rude and out right disrespectful to a child that broke the rules that’s not acceptable! There are more effective ways to efficiently discipline a child if they done something wrong! Society will wonder why the youth of today’s generation has no respect for the adults but look at how the adults treat them! The normalization of not accepting a minor on the same level as an adult and resorting to imitation tactics by using the notion of “respect your elders, since you’re a child I have the right to disrespect you”, is normalized within our society, which is completely unacceptable!

As for the parents, especially black parents.. this may be an unpopular opinion but there are other healthier ways to discipline your child other than resorting to physical force by spanking and beating them! This is very prevalent within the black community! Please stop this generational curse of normalizing aggressive and violent disciplinary actions among your precious children! However, I know I do not have any children of my own so who am I to speak on not spanking your child. But, I am highly educated and have a lot of expertise in the child psychology field with my educational credentials and 6 years of experience within the field. If you look at it from a historical perspective, our ancestors were whooped and humiliated by their oppressors until LITERALLY the white meat was exposed on their bodies from the vicious whooping! So, why would you as a parent, who love and adore your child want to humiliate them just like our oppressors did by spanking them like they’re a peasant?! Just like y’all don’t want these racist white cops brutalizing our black children…why is it okay if y’all brutalize and humiliate your own children?! IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! Believe it or not our parents definitely contribute to the ageism factor. They believe in the notion that since they gave birth to us and raised us “we owe them” and that “they own us” like we’re their “PROPERTY!” ABSOLUTELY NOT!! We did not ask to be here! We don’t owe nobody NOTHING!! The old saying “if I brought u in this world, I’ll take you out!” .. um, NO! No one asked your parents to birth you! They chose to have unprotected sex and birth you into this world! And let’s keep it real… if your parents weren’t going to take care of you there’s this agency called, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES who would’ve taken you into their custody. But that’s a conversation for another blog post… But, if you’re a parent and if you feel that there aren’t any other efficient ways to effectively discipline your child without spanking them… please register for some parenting classes. The whole belief that “there’s no handbook on how to be a good parent to your child” is a bunch of B.S.! There is a handbook called “PARENTING CLASSES”. There’s a lot of people out here especially young people who are not ready for the parenting lifestyle, that would benefit from parenting classes, especially if you’re a first time parent. I don’t have all the answers, but this is a start in the right direction!

In closing, if you’re reading this as a teenager or as a young adult and if you have a parent, teacher, supervisor, etc. is not showing you any type of respect since they feel like you’re beneath them, please advocate for yourself by not letting them disrespect you. By speaking up for yourself and playing your cards right. Continue to be a good person and let it be known that you are HUMAN and you deserve respect under any circumstances! There should be more civility trainings and other resources that can be offered to these school officials to teach how to effectively discipline and approach the students in a respectful manner. And for the parents, I know you heard of this bible scripture before, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother.” - Ephesians 6:1. But have you ever read this bible scripture from the lord, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” Ephesians 6:4? Interesting right? You see the respect factor goes both ways! The lack of Structure and Guidance is a contributing factor to the ageism concept.